look no pants
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
