the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
