that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
