if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
