My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she peed on how many people?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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