I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
