she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am mentally ready for anal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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