dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
