I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
