Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
