You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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