8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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