Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
