Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
