someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
