i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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