Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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