The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
