There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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