i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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