I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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