I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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