last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
