New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
