Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
