Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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