I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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