sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
