I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
