just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
