Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
