hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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