I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
