Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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