She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
