oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
