They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
