When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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