so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
