Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
