im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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