I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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