let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
