smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
...so i touched it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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