apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I believe in your delicious
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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