I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just had sex on a roof
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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