dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
