dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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