Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think your dad took our porno
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
