I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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