omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
