Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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