My nipple is on Facebook.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
