I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
