Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
