i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
me + whiskey = a bad person
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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