Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
