I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So much rum. So many feels.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
