Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize