My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
