She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
