did you get engaged???
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
