so let's talk penis.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
