You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All the doctor said was why
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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