absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How does it feel to date your dad?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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