just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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