Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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