The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
