i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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