meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
