Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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