Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
