Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
