i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
