There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
