The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
