Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
