ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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