I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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