We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
